Monday, June 19, 2006

hari ni aku bgn awal. eventhough aku takleh tido semalam. aku ingt lagi yg aku still golek2 masa aku tgk hp aku and its show 6'oclock.
wearing black long sleeves POLO shirts wif black POLO pants and black shine BATA( malaysia boleh!!) shoes. standing up infront of the mirror... smart? elegant? maskulin( :P )? its up to u to judge me. people judge peole depends on what their seeing on that person. wif a big smile, i sweep my acces card. entering the office wif 'langkah kanan'. first person yg aku jumpe is makcik cleaner( makcik cleaner ni best. sbb setiap kali meeting, she will 'exclusively' make milo for me. aku sorang je dapat milo, even ada sepuloh VIP dlm bilik tu. org lain sume minum air nescafe.. muahaha) smiling to her and keep walking to my cubicle.turn on my Pc and straight to the pantry to make hot tea. (but wait,..hey, Has tak datang lg. at last, aku dapat juga sampai seblum dia..hehe) the smile in my face still remain nice and 'sweet'. am i happy? its up to all of u to judge me. if u see poeple smilling, for sure we'll assume that he/she in a happy mode. but den, do we all know what is under their face?
at this moment, my inner side is BROKE. totally broken..broke into not two pieces, three pieces, but thousand an uncountable pieces. thats what i meant by TOTALLY...haihh..
i'm sorry if korang tak suke apa yg aku tulis ni. but in this present time, my blog is my best friends. kesian korang2 yg asyik dengar citer sedih aku (u know who u are..).. its time aku rasa yang aku stop beban kan korang ngan citer2 tu. its time for me to have it on my own shoulder and list it by myself. totally by myself. thanks for being a good listener. this blog is just the only way that i can iterprate what i want to say.
ntahlah... i really2 want to get through my prob happily and freely. but den honestly i'm not that strong. and at this stage, i feel so lonely. i have no one... no body... what do i have is just myself. but hey, this is life right? if u are weak, stupid and 'lurus bendul', u'll be under the strong, brave, and 'licik'(feeling better using this words either than 'clever') type of people's feet. and honestly,i myslef is under their feet. untill when people want to take me as a granted? i dont know. hidup aku perlu diteruskan. susah senang, just let my self complain to myself. really2 thanks to people yg betul2 take care of me. but sorry to say, there are no body like that in this world to me( this conversation was not including my family...this is my social life.. peoples around me..) honestly and trusticity( ada ke term ni?) is no longer have their 'special privillage pass' to get through my heart. no body can be trust and believe. even believing myself is a hard things to do. where is my motivational strength? i dont know...where is my strong trusticity into my self? once again i dont know...sampai bile aku nak jadi mcm ni? kepala aku ni hnya mampu menggeleng tidak ketahuan. just let the faith to decide. just Allah knows how hurt my self right know. just me and HIM knows what actually happened..oh God, please.. guide me..
i'm trying harder to make people smile.. to make people happy wif their lifes.. but den why people still make me as a rubbish? ignoring my existing? forgetting all my effort? aku bukannya nak disanjung.. di puji.. di julang... tapi apa yang aku nak is simple.. respect me as a human being yg ada hati dan perasaan.. thats all.. aku pun nak hidup as a normal person..loving an being love.. but den,on top off all this, i took it in a positive side..


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