money talk

just went back from having 'special-less-ingredients-home-made' spaghetti.nnti nak lagi er u :P tq.. tq.. im not a big fan of spaghetti pun actually but miraclely tonight i do eat one whole plate of it. hehehe :)

at this moment i do struggling with a few things that related with money and future. 3 big things. CAR, HOUSE, and so called DUIT-KAWIN.hahaha

the thought of money (or the lack of it) almost always depress me. My mother for one, is the champion for invoking the state of my financials. Like the black holes, its a discussion that has no ending. Most times i just choose to walk away in the midst of her trying to prove her point as i know trying to prove mine would be futile.

its a sad affair, really. which is why i try to avoid discussing it though i know the fact of matter is, it will never go away. with more money, comes more responsibility, and more importantly, bigger desiress. Nothing could be further than the truth with someone claiming that their lifestyle will remain unchanged from the moment they move from a unpaid graduate to that management executive.-rubbish!!

" you have to put a side a fixed amount of savings every months that u can never ever touch", said a friend of mine that i i know is reliable enough when it came to money matters. "fair enough" i said to myself. i thought to myself, i can do it.

"work your expenditure to the very last detail."she added. Difficult with some pesky miscellaneous cost incurred from time to time, but i suppose, achievable.

"do not even think to get a credit card until u are REALLY stable to have one" she looked at me forcing to prove her point. "gila la minah ni" I retorted silently. this is 2008 honey, a card is essential.plus my jobs, sometimes required this valuable plastic things.

" try following those simple, basic rules and you ll be fine. trust me". truth is, i was anything but. not content with just swallowing it all like a fish. i explained to her my work life, parents fee, the things that essential and a few hundred bills that i have to account for every months. " then maybe you need to rethink your lifestyle. ask yourself all the time, do i really need this?" she finally added. that needless to say shut me up good.

from time we are born, we are so accustomed to all creature comforts that we get. they say changes comes with age and although i have toned it down a notch, i must confess. i do enjoy a good meal with my friends, once a while. but after that conversation on that fateful evenings, i founds my self assessing every situation, even when I'm buying a hair gel.

" Do i really need a gatsby when i can just by bryllcream?", " Do i really need that trousers even if they are the "in-thing" now?" " do i really need to eat at 'MESRA-MALL' instead of 'nasi-ayam-putih-sebelah-post-office'?" i do admit that sudden changes does not create a warm fuzziness deep within me. i still grumble and drag my knuckles on the ground, but more than anything, I'm curious to see if this will actually help me in a long run.

"think long term" that's my mantra for the moment. can also take as a new year resolutions. every time i walk past CK boutique and see those nicely-tempting jeans, "think long term!!" Every time i hold those feather-light weight Nike boots, it hits me like a tones of bricks " think long term!!"

so like beyonce, i shall be 'fighting temptations' and begrudgingly haul myself to the bank every months to save a fixed amount of money.

in the meantime, should any of you, could give me advice or anything, which one, "new CAR or new HOUSE" and any suggestion for the new valuable house.(places and price)

p/s: past few weeks, there's one anonymous (or more than one) had struggling giving me comments that smeels like marah, dendam or bengang. i dont know. if I'm doing any wrongs to you, I'm sorry. i cant publish ur comments but anyhow , thanks for visiting. :)

Awak..

"Aku senang jalan perlahan,

tapi sekarang aku sedang berlari..dan tak berhenti..

seakan aku ini senang lari

Aku senang sesuatu yang lurus,

tapi sekarang aku bari dari kiri dan menuju ke kanan

seakan aku senang berbelok-belok

Aku senang matahari,

tapi sekarang aku lebih menanti malam,

seakan aku senang dengan kekelaman

aku bermimpi tentang pelangi,

tapi sekarang aku sedang menunggu mendung

seakan aku suka dengan hujan

aku mulai tak tau

dunia berputar,akupun berputar

padahal dulu aku punya poros,

tapi sekarang berbeda

aku melanglang buana dalam zaman

semakin kehilangan

dan kaki semakin rapuh dalam berpijak..

sudah..lelah..aku tak suka aku

aku mau aku

yang dulu...

aku mencari aku

aku kehilangan aku"

dengar seperti mustahil, tapi aku perlukan masa yang dulu.

Karma

What u give, ull get back. thats hows karma works. on my side, i should belive in Qada' n Qadar. everything that happen to u or what ever things that u done, always have consequence.buat baik, di balas baik, buat jahat di balas jahat. simple is it?

thats what im feeling rite now, im in zone where, ill get what ever ive had done.now i feel the pain, dulu aku tak kisah, ikut suke.. but its okay, ill take it as a learning process.

one mistake ruin everything. everything that ive had build struggly.

am i deserve this?

if i got a chance to fix it, would the result will be fairytales-happyly-ever-after?

p/s: if u read this, just want u to know that, im still me. n i missed the old us.

Rupanya, aku bukan la malang sangat...

just finished one presentation to PMC yesterday morning. a big "fuhhhh... legaaa". could imagine me myself jadi bahan 'tetakan' pagi tu. but lucky me. thanks to the presenter seblum aku tu yang dah drag time up to 30 minits. so just a run thru je la presentation aku tu. PD leh buat lawak tu kire ok la tu.

After the presentation, Manoks had gave me this one blog address. she said nice to be read.

"Panjang, ko baca blog ni.. ada org yang lagi malang dr ko.."

Cehh..

(sorry, the address of the blog cant be published due to certain circumstances.)

Korang pernah tgk cerita "CINTA" ni. yup, sounds a bit jiwang but kalau boleh aku nak paksa korang tgk cerita ni. sepatutnye sume pengarah muvie kat malaysia kene ada otak macam Khabir Bakhtiar ni. dgn jln cerite yang lain dari yang lain, ngan shot2 nice, camera angle yang kreatif gila babik. bgs2.. baru la berbaloi bayar tiket wayang RM10 tu.

ok, the main point is, ada satu plot dlm cerita ni yang mengisahkan si suami (rasihdi Ishak) telah di dump oleh isterinya (rita rudaini). masa tu aku terpikir, a bit spoiler la tuk filem ni sbb takkan la ada kes2 mcm ni. da kawin, ada anak n plus lakinye bapak la baik.. siap surprise nak bgi rumah lagi. tu pun kene dump. atas alasan isterinye dah jumpe soul mate.masa tu aku punye la mencarut dlm hati... mencarut kuat2 kang aku balik kene carut ngan org dlm wayang tu. not to be bias on any gender pun. but if the situation vice versa, aku carutkan jugak lakinye tu.

tapi lepas aku baca blog yang si manok ni bagi kat aku, baru la aku tau, ada jugak spesis mcm ni kat dunia ni. ingtkan dlm muvi jek.

secara ringkasnye aku bgtau isi kandungan blog tu. blog tu adalah hasil karya seorang wanita yang bergelar isteri kepada si S ni. memula aku baca happy je kisah hidup diorang, berkahwin, berpuasa sama2, beraya sama2. tetapi rupa2nye, baru 2 bulan kahwin plus 7 tahun bercinta, si isteri minta cerai pada si S ni. kenapa? sbbnya sebulan sebelum menikah dengan si S ni, si isteri ni kunun2 nye pergila berjumpa dengan EX nya yang dulu, si H. n what really happen was, si isteri ni some how the old LOVE spark had lighten up once again. so the short meet up become a regularly dating. and she admit that she fall really2 depp into si H ni, padahal 2-3 hari ni nak nikah ni. can u imagine how does she innocently, wear the baju pengantin and bersanding with S padahal, deep into her heart she love another guy. i really hope dat the story end at that point.

tak abis lagi rupanya, infact, after marriage, si isteri lagi kerap dating ngan H, went to Australia with H while S in malaysia working with all his will tuk mencari rezeki nak bagi isteri makan. S**T... masa ni aku da menyirap gle la baca..(EMOSI gak la aku time ni...) dengan selamba si isteri ni boleh cerita all this thing dlm blog dia. plus agak kurang hajar jugak perilaku si H ni.. dia boleh proudly upload the picture he with the isteri into his facebook. mana la hilang rasa perikemanusiaan mamat ni aku pun tak tau.... malu aku ada lelaki mcm ni kat dunia ni.

so at the time blog tu ditulis, these legally couple dah tak duduk sekali. and in a process for divorce. haih... and guess what, after further browsing thru this blogs, aku baru tau, si S dlm blog ni was my best friends masa aku keje kat kl dulu. lagi la aku mencarut... aku plak baru jumpe mamat ni minggu lepas n aku plak tanpa rasa bersalah pergi tanya, "S, mana bini ko?" demns.... mcm mana la dia rasa bile aku tnya mcm tu...

betul la Manok, ada org lagi malang dari aku...

Moral of the story is, jgn sayang orng sgt2.. hahaha.. what ever pun "DONT SETTLE WITH 2nd BEST"

My level of working energy had drop to 30%...MALAS... "Tonik Penghapus Malas".. sapa ada?

its me again

heyy.. time goes by so fast, i dont even realized it had been like 10 months? 11months? of 'missing in action'. there's a few times that i wanted to start throw some junks into this blogs but dunno y tak kesampaian. sometimes feel so malas, dah nak start typing, idea plak takde and sometimes rasa mcm.. "ermmmm.. ada ke org baca?" but who cares... hahahaha..

so far, i dont changed alot. still sempurna semua pancaindera, Alhamdulillah. rambut tak panjang2,( bengang gak la nak tunggu rambut ni panjang balik). janggut da beribu kali cukur, and fracture on my right foot become worst. other than that, im still in a piece.thats on my physical

working life,still in kerteh and perhaps will be stranded here for about another 5 or 6 years? or maybe selama lamanye. aku tak kisah... tapi keje da makin bnyk and makin memeningkan.so skang ni da boleh cakap ngan bebudak sekolah, " korang enjoy la life blajar ni habis habisan.. kalau tak menyesal macam aku".

still single, as in tak kawin lagi. ibu da start tanye2, bile nak kawin. adoilaaaa.. nape dia tak tnya abg aku dulu. but i know, she doesnt mean pun to push me for dat. saje je dia geli2 nak ada cucu.insyaAllah, niat di hati tu memang ingin menikah.but with who, when and how.. still on HIS willing. im still waiting for the mysterious gift from the Almighty.hopefully and i know, surely it will be the best for me. sabarr~~

see.. ive told ya, bila da ngadap laptop ni sume idea dah hilang kemana tah.

its getting late, drive all the way from melaka to kerteh and now im alone here in my house on friday night doing nothing. thanks to PMC presentation on sunday. slide satu haram tak buat lagi. haih.