Monday, January 19, 2009

Thank GOD for the gift

There is one long time ago that one of my 'best friend' telling me that she is getting engaged. And it was only a year ago that she sobbed that marriage is not coming to her way. Being the drama queen that she is, im felt a bit shocked. I want so much to be happy for her. Instead when i heard the news - for the first time in my life- I was speechless.

i didn't call her. Perhaps secretly, i was half expecting and hoping that she would come to her senses and call it off, but most of all, i become aware where my life was heading; of how our lives should as we grow older. Maybe, im afraid of it.

i am reluctant to admit but i am at a point where my life is evolving. if you could imagine a vertical scale beginning at very bootom that label as 'birth', then 'first step', followed by 'first word', so on and so forth. i think i would be place myself somewhere between the labels 'grow up for god's sake' and 'marriage'.

sometimes if i go through my routines lifes, obviously that its is changing from time to time. i was happy then i realised that m friends one by one are bitting the dust. i tried to revealed this to one of my friend and he concluded that it's because i haven't really "settle-down". unbeknownst of him, i have a secret hate about the phrase - "settle down". it sounds that i really doing something wrong or am seriously lagging behind everyone else.

"when do you really settel down, then?" i asked. "when you find THE ONE... and that could be a person or GOD" he answered. Essesntially that means that at the end of the day, your life could end in one of two scenarious; you find the person you're meant to devote the rest of your life. Faling which you surrender yourself completely to GOD. if in odd chances that you could find yourself stucjk between that, you must belong to a very rare and small percentage of populations.

i find myself adapting, adapting to that inevitable change and although it is quite a stark contrast to what i am used to be. i have to admit, im enjoying it. i am quite content to stay at home on weekdays and even as i am writing this, i have already showered, paid my dues to God, finishing having my less-salt-many-sossage fried rice and am sitting confortably in bed. the thing is its only 9. damn...

so, when most of my friends geting prepare to 'settle down', so to speak, what become of you? the singleton? i asked my dear old friend (who i think a bit similar pridiciment as me) if he would feel any preassure of finding someone so as not to be alone. he answerd "yes...ermm but not so much because i think marriage is just more to companionship. i would prefere it to be more than happy if it develops into something seriously" he asnwered.

i asked myself if that is the reason to get into a relationship. i mean that seems rather desperate and there is nothing more unatractive than being needy. but having contemplated, i realise that its just means that you are open to dating untill you eventually find that somebody who is worthly enough t spend the res of your life with.

but being a tiny servants of HIM, i do thanks for all the things that HE had gave and will be give ( InsyaAllah the best for me from the Almighty). im happy for what i get and try to put a smile in every thing that i need to face or every stumbling blocks that i need to climb off. in the end, i do believe, something goods is waiting. its just a matter of how we accept it. in a chapter of JODOH, i just can pray the best of it and once again its from HIM. hopefully everything going well and i really looking forward about it. hehe...

p/s: just want to take this tiny chance to say a BIG F**K to ISRAEL (shit... even to spell it makes me sick)... together we help PALESTENIANS. even though its just a 5 seconds pray.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

a new chapter

tak terlambat rasanye aku nak mengucapkan selamat tahun baru. selamat tahun baru hijrah dan masihi. tahun ni aku tak terasa langsung perubahan tahun. seblum2 ni kalau dekat tahun baru, sibuk pikir malam new year nak lepak mana, apa aktiviti taun baru. tapi taun ni sikit pun tak terlintas. walaupun aku dapat la undangan makan malam + karaoke bersama Saleem, tapi skit pun tak excited mcm dulu. ini ke tanda2 penuaan? :)

2008 bagi aku bnyk maknanye. perubahan demi perubahan yang berlaku. perubahan fizikal, mental, hidup, semua berubah.

aku sudah bergelar graduan. selepas 5 tahun bersabung kepala otak, akhirnya aku dapat jugak bersalam dengan Tun. sekeping ijazah ni la yang nak menentukan arah idup aku selepas ni. Alhamdulillah.

tahun ni jugak aku telah dilamar. dilamar oleh company idaman aku. nak target schlumberger, shell and exxon mcm tinggi sngt je cita2 tu. tapi aku tetap bersyukur. result aku masa kat utp taklah sehebat mana. boleh aku cakap memang tak hebat pun. Alhamdulillah, rezeki tuk aku masih ada. mayb berkat doa ibu n ayah masa pergi haji awal taun dulu, aku dapat kerja ni.

kat sinilah aku belajar hidup sendiri, kat sini lah aku belajar apa itu tanggungjawab, jerit perih seseorang bergelar 'pekerja' mencari rezeki. baru lah tau susahnye nak cari duit tu. n masa ni jugak la aku tau, bnyk duit n boleh beli apa yang kite nak belum tentu akan buat kite happy. :) hopefully tahun ni akan jadi tahun rezeki tuk aku, dapat bonus besar, increament tinggi.. (tamak2.. nyumm)

Dan inilah buah hati pengerang jantung saya. keluarga Hj Jamaludin. masih lagi tiada penambahan dan tiada pengurangan (Nauzubillah.. minta2 dijauhkan).NURUL ASWAD(berdiri paling kiri) dah ada ura2 bercinta tapi masih lagi merahsiakan percintaannya.aku tau tu. bile la nak dapat kak long ni. :) NUR RUZAINI(pki bj kurung kunun2 senyum manis tu) meneruskan penguasaan nya dekat UIA, dia masih mengekalkan rekod anak pakcik jamaludin paling pandai.tapi kantoi dating kat kedai makan alor gajah. sukahati la ani oi, yang penting ko pandai jaga diri. MOHD SHAHRUL ASHRAF(berdiri tengah2) dah jadi rakan masjid kat poli behrang.. bagus2. SHARUL AZFAR, baru dapat result PMR. bercita2 besar nak masuk UTP. dia kata best. (mcm abg dia..) pemain bola yang aku rasa terer skit kot dari aku. dan king and queen of the castle, HJ JAMALUDIN & HJH KATIJAH.(awal taun ni jugak ibu n ayah selamat menunaikan haji) what else to say other than I LOVE U SO MUCH.

itulah sedikit sebanyak coretan taun 2008.diharap taun 2009 ni menjadi titik tolak hidup aku untuk menjadi seorang yang berguna. at least berguna untuk diri sendiri. selamat berjuang kepada aku yang berumur 25 tahun~~

semoga aku menjadi 'orang'... AMIN..