exam maddnes is over..as like last 3 sem...sad ending..huaaaaa.. but maybe this sem is the worst..haih.. malang sangat nasib aku ni..mengikut logik akal manusia normal.. siapa la yang tak happy ek lepas exam.. tapi tahlah..lege tu lege la sebab dah tak payah nak kusut2 pikir pasal study..tp.. ahh abaikan..

skang ni tengah lapor tahap ni..acap da balik, jat, arep, maro..sume da balik..tinggal la tercangak2 aku sensorang dalam bilik ni.. nak mkn v4 malas nak turun..mlm2 ni tak reti nak mkn cafe..huahua..takpela.. tahan je le..lapor sgt kang tidoo je..abis crite.

aku sensitip ke aku bodoh? tu bende yang aku tgh pikirkan skang ni..kenapa aku jadi sesensitip camni? macam mana aku boleh jadi sebodoh ni.. aku pun tak tahu. aku pun tak paham apa yang jadi kat aku skang ni. org cakap..apa yang kite teringinkan sesangat,tak semestinye kite dapat kan? tapi dalam kes aku..frasa 'tak semestinye' tu boleh la kot di tukar dengan 'mustahil'.. aku tak pernah nak dapat apa yg aku teringinkan sgt2..mungkis korang akan cakap.. aku tamak, tak reti bersyukur.. tapi korang tak ada kat tempat aku.korang tak rasa apa yang aku rasa..sakit, pedih, senyum, ketawa.. aku sorang je yg rasa..kenapa yek? tak berbaloi ke sayang aku ni.. tak bernilai ke kasih aku ni..haiih...aku sensitip ke bodoh sebenarnye ni...haihhh~~

tuk cari kekuatan menghadapi kenyataan ni bukan senang ek..kite yg tak rasa mungkin senang cakap.."sabar jelah ye..kalau ada nnti adalah.." tapi penah ke kite rasa apa yg org tu rasa? bukan aku nak cakap nasihat org tu salah..bgs sebenarnye.. but the main point is ...

Truth is hurt...

aku pun manusia biasa gak..manusia normal yang nak rasa disayangi..nak rasa disayangi..nak rasa dimiliki dan memiliki.. ermmm

mungkin tuhan belum nak ketemukan aku ngan 'bahagia' yang aku selalu doa2kan tu.. kalau itulah kehendak-Nya aku terime.. just aku berharap.. yang Dia bimbing aku dan bekalkan aku dengan sedikit kekuatan..

haihhh~~

dem it... what is happening to me... day by day..i've lost the 'original' me...arghhhh.... oh God.. pleasee.. give me some guidance.. please...

its been a week...4 downs..1 more to go..the hardest among the others..'Design of steel , timber & prestressed'.haihhh~~.

it's so excited to end my study for this sem..and after this 8 months life without assignment, lect..bla bla bla..i'm going for internship training. hopefully it will be fun. i expected that it will be hard and bored in a first or second months because i'm the only one UTPians there.but thats life..everyone must move on and face a new life rite? i can expecting anything rite now. how's my life in KL? who will be my friends there?how about my 'petang-petang' activities? will i change? will my attitude change?will my appearance change?will it be good or become worst? no one knows...

technically at present moments, i myself in a process to change. from what to what..dont ask me. just let the time decide.. can change? or can't i? y i'm doing this? i know..nobody interested to know..but hey.. its my blog.. sukati kiteeee laa..haha.. its because the time has come. or the other way to say, my job is done and i need to move on..i hope God is with me. gave me a little strength.. gave me a little candle to guide my journey.. i'm too far from the shore i think.if dulu aku boleh buat..y cant now aite?

its raining out there..my stomach 'bergelimpangan' asking for some food. should be this evening aku kuar ipoh. planning to entertain my self.. going out alone and desire to watch "Da'Vinci Code" but den..some sort of economically probs.. and maybe because i'm so tired, terbengkalai aku atas katil. mayb next time..siann kat diri aku..tak dapat kuar tgk wayang..hehe.. next time ye panjang.. :P soo..lepak bilik je la..huhu

this past 3 days..my health condition become flip flop..emotionally fever.. my head spinning like hell..Alhamdulillah, all that doesn't effect much when i took Coastal paper this morning. y ar? maybe tak cukup tido..and some sort of bnyk 'berpikir'..

what else to say..

oh yeah.. last 22nd was my 'anniversary'.. another surprises had have been arranged.Alhamdulillah all going as a plan, eventhough it quite not exactly as my plan..but still ok. i hope Gadis having a great time. what the surprised was? for one whole day, i culik Gadis, tight up her eyes.. and bring her to a place yg dia ngidam2 sngt nak pergi..hehe 'the lost world of Tambun'.selalu sangat dia cakap nak berenang..hehe.. its a pleasure to see she smile and laugh..:) thanks so much..sorry for the clumsy arrangement for that 'happiest' day..

haih... its my bad day.. i hate myself.. lebih tepat.. aku tak kenal diri aku...

Just finished my supper..Tomyam Ruski..huhu..
it always be my probs.. there are many things to say when u are not in front of this pc..many things to write.. many thins to tell. But then..when I facing this black 17inch monitor, everything.. 'puff' missing just like that.
Should be this night I have start my waste water revision..but til now..the note is still nicely arrange at corner of my table. Don't know y Im to lazy to drag that note and its 2000 pages's text book in front of me and start reading it..haih..
siang td paper eng econs..ermm as usual..dah jawap baru menyesal..nape tak baca tu la..ni la..adoila..but still..Alhamdulillah..coz in a first place..i have no idea at all about dat subject..thanks to shiro yg keep saying " 3E senang la panjang.." apek yg membekalkan soklan2 past year.. 'tukang kejut' rasmi aku skang..akak erin kite yang membagunkan diri dalam keterpaksaan kul 6 pg tuk kejut aku..thanks so much..and Gadis yg sudi spent time wif me..acompanying me one whole week..seeing the kusut me..dealing wif tension me..susahkan nak layan I ni..hehe but I can say 3E is nothing to compare wif my next2 paper.. waste.. steel ..highway.. adoilaa..really hoping that no paper sangkut dis sem..i want to go for my internship wif hati yg tenang..amin..
at dis moment..dont know why..aku nak sgt bercakap..having a conversation wif somebody.. any body..dari lepas maghrib gak la aku tak bercakap.. lawak ek.. having a nap after maghrib and woke up at 11 o'clock (qodo' tido la org kata..) and there are nobody in the house..kene culik alien ke apa bebudak ni.. diorang gi ipoh kot..jimba bara seblum coming back for a 'kusut' war wif waste water..muahaha..waaa bosannye duk sorang2..
nak kacau gadis..sian plak dia..mayb at this moment, she have a group discussion wif erin n shiro..corparate Ethics I think..kalau kacau nnti.. dia emo emo..huhu.. takmau2..takut…:P
3 straight paper..this evening, next morning, and Wednesday evening..thats 3 times more kusut dan me..hehe.. takpe2.. after this U don't have to worry to deal anymore wif final exam..assignment..lect.. project blablabla what so ever.. Gadis will be graduating..huhu..congrats.. tak sabar nak tunggu Gadis keje..huhuhu(gelak seorang menteri kewangan berpengalaman..) once again.. congrats.. I know.. u kusut sgt lately..and sometimes the existing of me..in front of u.. make ur life more miserable. just to let u know.. I tak niat pun nak buat sume2 tu.. maybe my 'childish' mind irritate u..my stupid act hurts u, my stupid sengeh2 make u mad.. im so sorry..
Siang td UEM gave me a call..asking me to go here and there.. to settle this and that..huhuhuh.. excited2.. nak keje.. Gadis gelak je bile aku excited2 ni.."memula boleh la excited u.. I kasi u 3 bulan je..sure u boring.." hehe..talking about internship, I should be syukur sgt.. I don't have any probs to find a place..either for interns or houses to stay.. and more I got the company that I wanted most. Should thanks to Has.. she helps me a lot. Rasanye dia yg seludup resume aku and send it to her boss..haha..thanks Has.
The clocks show 2.09 in the morning..haih..nak tido ke study..tido ke study.. tadi dah tido..study la pulak..ermmm..but still ngantuk ni..tido la.. (inilah cara seorang yang dipanggil PEMALAS buat keputusan..hehe )

I think I have to go..dari tak tau nak buat apa..baik tido..esok bgn awal and start study..huhu( konon2 ar ni..) to Gadis and others.. gud luck for ur paper..:)
Daa~~

a little jiwang mode during 'rehat2' time...esok paper first..haih...

JANGAN SAKITI KU LAGI..
MUNGKIN AKU BISA PERGI..
PERGI UNTUK SELAMANYA..
DAN MUNGKIN TAK KAN KEMBALI

Belum cukup sembuh hati ku ini..
Dari luka yang kau tikam..kejantungku..
Sudah kamu lukai nya lagi..
Sudah kamu hancurkan..
percaya ku kepadamu..
Aku mungkin takkan pernah tau..
Apa salahku kepada dirimu..
Mungkin juga kamu masih ragu..
Dan ta'pernah menganggap ini adalah serius

JANGAN SAKITI KU LAGI..
MUNGKIN AKU BISA PERGI..
PERGI UNTUK SELAMANYA..
DAN MUNGKIN TAK KAN KEMBALI

Setelah aku menjadi milik mu..
Masihkah kamu akan sakiti aku lagi
Belum cukupkah kamu menyiksa aku
Belum cukupkah kamu membuat aku jadi gila....

-ahmad dhani-

Lately,

I'm not quite myself.

Maybe,

I do need some help.

Just my confusion,

Trust my delusion.

Don't you,

Regret you met me.

Go through,

These steps to get me,

Back to where we start,

Before I fall apart.

If I could black out,

It'd become so clear,

Standing face-to-face with everything I fear.

Watch so closely,

but still I don't see.

As bad as it seems,

a piece of mind I steal,

An ordinary life,

But consequences real.

I'm past the point of reality.

This isn't me,

This isn't you,

When it's just everything we do.

Till you open up your eyes,

and understand this isn't real.

This isn't me,

This isn't you,

This is everything but true,

Till we come to realize,

It's what we put each other through.

It's like a bad dream,

Coming all so true,

Leaving me with nothing else left to do.

Now so helpless,

I'm not so selfish.

Tell me,

How does it feel to have a face like that,

Do you still feel?

It's hard to believe right now,

This seems to be real.

Still phasing by this time,

So why can't I wake up.

missing the old us..

Ya Allah,

Seandainya telah Kau catatkan dia milikku,

tercipta buatku,

dekatkanlah ia padaku,

titipkanlah kemesraan antara kami,

agar kebahagiaan itu abadi...

Ya Allah,

Ya Tuhanku Yang Maha Pengasih,

seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup luar ini ketepian yang sejahtera,

Ya Allah,
Seandainya telah Kau takdirkan dia bukan milikku,

bawalah ia jauh dari pandanganku,

luputkanlah dia dari ingatan ku,

dan peliharalah diriku dari kecewa

amin...

It's been a while I'm not updating this blog. Busy? Not really..maybe not in a mood to be blogging. My final exam is just around the corner. Next week is my study week. And my first paper will be on 15th.. Seriously I'm not ready for dat. I'm such a lost. Lost to no where. I myself don't know why? Lately I'm like don't really know my self.why I'm doing this, why I'm doing dat, why I'm going here and there, why I'm thinking this and that.. Everything going not right. Why all of this happen? Like I mention earlier.. I DON'T KNOW…

Maybe this is what we called life. So many things to think, so many think to decide.now I realize how complicated life is. For those out there which think life is easier, my advice, think twice. It's bullshit if I said life is wonderful, more bullshit if u think life is fair. Life is not like what u think. Sometimes it treat u as 'his' best friends..give u all that u want, give u all the happiness that u dream of. Until u forget. Forget that all of that is not really for u. become worst when u forget from "whom" u get dat happiness. Don't blame anyone if one day all the happiness that u have, all your sweet2 dream suddenly gone. Just like dat. Blame ur self. Blame urself for not treat life like it should be. bla..bla..bla.. hehe..

So many things to said, so many words to type on, so many feelings to show off. But I don't know, should I nor should not do all that. There is sometimes when my brains become 'mereng' and obviously it will make look stupid, childish and nonsense. I'm afraid.. demm.. don't know what I'm afraid of…-sigh-

Are u dare to let u happiness dragging by others? Are u willing to let other happy but not u? such an honor if u can do that aite?
Do good things and good things happen, do bad things and bad things happen..its a karma(a words from "My name is Earl" series..hehe..)

Apa pun yang jadi, aku harap aku kuat. Kuat tuk hadapi segalanya.. tak ada apa yang dapat aku buat tuk mengubah sesuatu yg pastinye bukan milik aku. Aku dah serahkan segalanya. Aku harap ianya berbaloi. Tiada apa lagi yang tinggal tuk aku kongsikan dengan orang lain. Kalau ditanya, 'sanggup ke aku menghadapinya?' for sure aku akan menggelengkan kepala. Sayang ni tak dapat nak di buang dah But that's life… satu je.. aku harap aku takkan hilang apa yang aku ada sekarang ni.. "Ya Allah… tolonglah..berikan kekuatan tuk aku hadapinye…"

Thanks for those yang understand and willing to seat and hear my story... :)